How to handle the never-ending anxiety? 4 steps to help you regain emotional balance.

How to handle the never-ending anxiety?

“I’m really worried that things won’t turn out the way I imagined.”

“I feel like I’m not good enough, like nothing I do is ever enough.”

“I’m worried about how others see me.”

“I shouldn’t have said those things just now…”

The feelings sparked by anxiety leave us feeling lost.

Faced with what needs to be done, we can’t seem to settle down. Even though nothing has happened, we feel incredibly agitated… lying in bed at night, our minds refuse to shut down, replaying events from the day or conversations we’ve had with others, worrying whether they’ll now think less of us?

These voices and little dramas constantly play out in our minds, fueling our anxiety even more.

When it comes to anxiety, our state is almost always fluctuating, restless. Even if others offer reassurance, it still doesn’t calm our minds.

One significant challenge in responding to anxiety is: anxiety is an emotion without a specific object.

It’s not like anger: “Ming did something to make me angry.”

Or the feeling of sadness: “My dog is lost, I feel really down right now.”

Anxiety is like a state that’s intangible, elusive, pervading our minds. This is one reason why we don’t know how to deal with ourselves when we feel anxious.

To give a practical example, perhaps we can understand better:

For instance, when we go to the zoo and see a tiger, we can watch from a distance but not get too close, because that distance makes us feel safe. But anxiety feels like an attack from all directions, nowhere to hide, because we don’t even know what we’re afraid of, where to run.

What we can do when anxiety is affecting our daily life?

1. Awareness is a balm for responding to anxiety. When overwhelmed by feelings of anxiety, it’s difficult for us to connect with our emotions, so trying to touch base with our inner selves, acknowledging our feelings, can bring some relief to the feeling of anxiety.
2. List out the worst-case scenarios. When feeling consumed by anxiety, try listing out the worst-case scenarios, then consider what actual impact these scenarios might have. If these worst-case scenarios don’t seem as bad as imagined, the feeling of anxiety naturally dilutes a bit.
3. Recognize that control is limited. Part of the state that triggers anxiety is constantly wanting to control everything external. When things don’t go as expected, anxiety floods in like rushing waters. At this time, realizing the feeling of “limited” control can help alleviate our racing anxiety.
4. Reclaiming our rationality. Rationality and sensibility are somewhat different. Rationality is an emotional state that involves understanding emotions; sensibility involves using the brain to think, less connected to feelings. And one way to help settle anxiety is to try to reclaim our rationality, allowing the internal chaos to settle a little